Why am I so fat?

Genetics probably

 

Do I need experience before I sign on with you?

Nope, you need enthusiasm… and a pair of trainers

 

Should I be able to bench press my sister?

Excellent question, this would depend on your sister

 

How much do you charge for a session?

That depends we look at each request on a case by case basis

 

I want to be muscular but I’m worried if I get off my couch it might float away, can you help?

Yes, but not with your helium filled couch. That was a bad decision you made that you now have to live with.